YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING
TO MUCH COFFEE WHEN........

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward
The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake
You lick your coffeepot clean.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
You don't sweat, you percolate.

You've worn out the handles on your favorite mug.
You've built a miniature city out of plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
People can test their batteries in your ears.

When someone asks you," How are you?", you say," Good to the last drop."
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
Y our birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your Thermos is on wheels.

You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think being called a drip is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.

You don't get mad, you get steamed.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

--author unknown